Tag Archives: relationships

Worry Box

I filled the box with my concerns.  Each written carefully on neatly lined paper.  My fears, my anxieties, my worries.  Spelled out before me in black letters.

I put them in the Worry Box and invited you to put yours there too.

Then we closed the Box and ran away together.

We rode 900 miles to escape our Worries.

But mine were never farther than the back pocket of my jeans, a denim cage that stretched taut across my ass as I straddled the seat of your motorcycle.  My Worries followed me – dogged every step of my foot through the mossy, tree-lined paradise we explored together.

I forgot them often – transported as I was by your smile, the sunshine on my face, and the laughter we shared.  The playful exchange of jokes, gentle barbs and tender kisses all provided me respite from those Worries.

But they were never really forgotten.

They would escape their cage and climb upon my shoulder, whispering in my ear as the landscape blurred past.  As the bike leaned through curves, they would dig in – holding fast to me and making sure they did not fall to the roadway as I desperately wished they would.

Fucking tenacious Worries.

You and I shared some beautiful moments over those three days.  Tranquility, companionship, intimacy.  I fearlessly drove my tongue into your most intimate spaces.  I savored your taste and smell, drinking you in and memorizing each moment. The gentle pressure of your hand reaching back to stroke my knee while riding.  The way your face looked bathed in glow from the campfire.  Watching you laugh and try not to choke on a mouthful of molten marshmallow and chocolate.  The sweep of your lips across my forehead as I rested in my snuggle spot.

In the back of my mind the refrain played over and over, “I will miss this.”

I said nothing but the words were there – gushed  across sheets, reflected in my eyes as I gazed up at you from my knees.  Clinging to the fingers that reached over as we walked and wound through yours.  I love you. Of that, there is no doubt.

In the shadow of that love I sense the pain coming at me.  Like a sharp S-curve that will tilt my world.  I don’t know how to avoid it.  I can’t seem to find a way to lessen the sting.  For all the armor I wear, I know it cannot protect me from it.  I am going to feel it.  Deep and hard.

And there is no way a box full of paper is going to save me.

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Filed under Erotica

Fourth Wall

I should not have done it.

I should not have put the envelope in the mail.

I broke through the Fourth Wall.

With a sledge hammer made of paper and postage.

You don’t want to hear from me.

You don’t want to know I am still here,

Still breathing and fighting for my life.

Fighting to write my story.

But I am.

Were you angry? Surprised?

Uncomfortable when you found it in your office mail?

Did you know it was from me?

Recognize me in the few words scrawled inside?

Did you guess or did you know?

Deep inside your gut.

Like a visit from beyond the grave.

Did you smile?

Did you understand the meaning of my gesture?

Not to haunt, not to vex.

But simply to acknowledge your success?

I tried to sit on the pride.

I stuffed it into a suitcase and sat upon it.

But it would not be silent.

It screamed to be heard.

It howled for freedom.

How could I keep it locked inside?

Such an accomplishment.

A goal you set finally coming to fruition.

How could I not want to congratulate you?

I tried to keep it to myself.

But that envelope found its way into my grocery bag.

And into that mailbox.

And into your hands.

I know I broke the rules.

I know I was not supposed to cross the Fourth Wall.

But…

I just had to tell you.

How proud I am of you.

Happy for your success.

I’m breaking out the mortar and bricks.

And fixing the hole in that Wall.

This time, I will stay on my side.

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Filed under Erotica

Moment of Change – Part Two

Seismic movement happens in waves.  The same can be said of us.  In the first Moment of Change, I prepared to shed you like a skin that no longer fit me.  But now, the earth beneath me has undulated once again.  Where once there was a valley, now a mountain has formed…

Moment of Change – Part Two

I talk a great game.

About living fearlessly; about living with intent.

I pride myself on facing my fears; not letting those fears hold me back.

I am lying to myself.

Your caress has awakened more than just my body.

Your smile has shined light into darkened corners.

As I feel my vulnerability rise up to meet your kiss

So too the fear rises up to meet you.

Still reddened where the wounds of last November flayed me open,

My desperate instinct was to protect my heart from another blood-letting.

And my fear nearly drove me away.

Nearly.

But I am not the same woman I was before.

And I am not beholden to make the same frightened choices I have made in my past.

I can own my feelings.

Voice my emotions.

Face the monster in the darkness.

Expose my vulnerability to the light.

Regardless of what you say or do after you see it.

In the end, what you do with that knowledge is your decision.

What happens next is in the future, beyond our reach.

But right now,

There is another moment whose time has come…

 

The moment I let you in.

 

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Filed under Poetry